what to do when a client flirts with you
If you don’t have time to follow up in-depth to their emails, try sending a short acknowledgment email. I have yet to meet a powerful man in his fifties or sixties that isn’t still trying to prove to himself that he is, in fact, a Master of the Universe and lord of all he surveys. But when you deal with customers day-in, day-out, every so often a customer will cross the line, perhaps with too much unsolicited flattery, inappropriate comments or unwanted advances. A man sees an attractive woman, and of course he is going to react in a non-businesslike way, at some level. I am a midlevel associate and if a CEO asks me to lunch I am going to assume 100% of the time he is asking me on a date, unless he says something pretty explicit about developing a professional relationship. Steer clear of male clients and bosses that compliment and harass — most will not change and it shows their underlying values towards women. This has been my problem as well, and a job turned up a few months later at a place where I declined nightly “drinks” with the would-be boss. Exposing your wrists??? Indeed, that kind of silly assumption is why sexist clients like this get away with this kind of thing all the time. With my Yank accent, I can’t pull off the phrases you’ve written but I have my own versions. And one day ::gulp:: when I was stressed about a tough assignment, he gave me a neck massage. It’s about bloody time we expected men to be grown-ups too. I do not dress provocatively. It mentioned a situation that arose when a supermarket instituted a policy that required cashiers to smile and make eye contact with each customer as they reached the front of the line. (also when I’m angry). HAHAHAHA….okay, the snookums retort is terrific. A lot of men will take permanent offense and then look for ways to get back at you later. I’m serious. That’s fair – I love Kat’s writing, and have no doubt that she had the best of intentions. (There was a LOT more than calling me honey.) This is still a male-dominated profession. Or maybe you’ll both talk about a part of your city you’ve never been to, which he’ll use a chance to say: “We should go together sometime!” Even if he says this in an off-hand way, any indication he wants to be alone somewhere with you is a BIG tick in the “flirting” box! You’ll get a reputation in your business and social groups (good or bad) and you’ll find most men will come to respect (or fear) your boundaries and leave you alone. My job is to make you successful (win you money, win that client…. Second, there can be overlap between “I’m a professional who’s interested” body language and “I’m a woman who’s interested” body language, such as leaning forward to show interest. etc. Yesterday I extended my hand for a shake to a male colleague, he left me hanging ans said he doesn’t shake women’s hands for religious reasons.. i ended up slightly shaking his upper wrist just to lower the awkwardness…. I’ve just lost weight and cannot understand the work colleagues who will not shut up about it. If I were in OP’s position I wouldn’t feel *afraid* if I found myself receving comments such that she described, but I would feel embarrassed and guilty – like I had, somehow, invited the attention. I truly mean this as no disrespect – I wish I didn’t take things so seriously, and I think the approach you advocate is as good a one as those that recommend lecturing or slapping the guy. The only way to really stand up for your right to be free from harassment by men is to work for women-owned companies and solicit business from women. Either way, watch out. That day entirely changed the nature of our relationship (we serve on a non-profit board together). I had a client continually use the word “sexy” in our pre-deposition interview saying I had lots of “sexy questions” and that something was a “sexy thought” so I turned it back on him every time- “When you are in your deposition and use a word like sexy you should expect the questioning attorney to follow up on your qualified statement, for example, “You indicated that was as sexy question, what makes you think so” ” I then waiting, in his awkward silence, pen poised, for his answer. It’s natural not to want to hurt someone’s feelings. Do you some of think that it’s honestly sexual harassment if a man says “you’re very beautiful” one time? It’d be something snarky about how pretty women like career success, too. How do you feel about “you guys” in work meetings? I totally, totally agree with this…when we’re courting new business at my consulting firm, we always send more than one person to meet with the PNC (potential new client). 6. Not an easy conundrum. What might be part of it, and isn’t fair, is that I’m very tall and so just don’t come across as little the way some women do. Not necessarily flirtatious, but certainly interactive, ‘tuned in’. It is scandalous because it is showing bare skin (similar to showing an ankle). Not only would the OP have had the chance to set the tone (“I would love to take you to lunch to explore the representation needs of your company…”), but the guy would be more likely to guess that it is a professional lunch. Neither of us knew each other and he was dating both under the guise of an exclusive relationship. That’s depressing. Granted, getting hit on at a conference/interview doesn’t happen to me, and if it does, I don’t realize it and go happily on my merry way of conversation. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what they’re saying. I usually say something like, “you look so healthy, you’re glowing” or something along those lines, just acknowledging the different appearance while trying not to be rude about it. How funny. I hold men to the same “high” (or embarrassingly average, actually) standard. I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for your long but helpful posting. It is awkward and makes it very difficult to develop the same “bond” with your male boss that you see your male peers developing. Um, no. However. I reached out and got an interview, but have no clue how it’ll work out! However, I feel compelled to leave a comment regarding the final paragraph of this post. I had the same concerns re blaming the victim but also recognize that we do indeed live in a sexist society. I honestly have not done anything different except take the drug. If a person does not know how to move forward with your flirtation, they could retreat, until they find out what to do about the situation. If they are older and have a daughter: “Aw that’s so sweet. I’m wondering where everyone lives. Wow! Had this happen recently at a tax conference… at first I was flattered (first time I’ve been hit on post-fat… which is to say, pretty much first time) — by time 3 I was annoyed… looking forward to some tips b/c I’m not about to lock myself in a hotel room and give up on networking! Spirono kills appetite in some lucky people, and I am one of those lucky ones, plus the hormonal changes have made it a lot easier to take off weight. I like the grandfather line, even if it is someone that you don’t want to alienate. Saying “you are very beautiful”, once, in a business setting, is awkward as h*ll and not appropriate, but it isn’t harassment. Men can be men but women cannot be women–it’s like I have to wear a boxy unflattering suit in order to be taken seriously. Not at all. I’ll never forget the day that a friend of mine quoted a professor from my university: “The only way you can screw up as a psychologist is by having sex with your clients. Either way, I do think that most of us are too concerned with being polite–as long as your response is said in a fairly light manner, then it will make the man realize he’s being inappropriate and hopefully he’ll move on to the topic at hand. It is to network or to get hired as an attorney. I don’t expect that the firm will hand me billings, so that means I need to go get them. I’d just say “ha ha, am sure you wouldn’t like me calling you Dad!” and try to steer back to work topics. Even if you do have a good case, once you file a lawsuit you’ll be notorious and others won’t want to hire you. And you’ll be branded as a trouble-maker, complainer, over-sensitive, etc. So what a guy says you’re pretty? My point is that I really think most women do not make signals, but there are just some guys out there who are going to read things that are not there. Women continue to be trivialized because none of us is willing to risk her career in order to make it abundantly clear to a man (even risking going down in flames, if that’s the way our office is) that we are not there to serve as playthings or eye candy. ALL men are desperate to…”spread their seed,” or at least see for themselves how many women they think might be game, to stoke their dumb male egos. I am a five year attorney in California and have seen women very effectively manage men who are misbehaving. However, if you're into him and not put off by non-invasive physical gestures, it's definitely a sign that he's attracted to you. ), Guide to The Best Tops For Under Women’s Suits, Plus-Size Women’s Workwear (Recent Picks), « Wednesday’s TPS Report: Fitted Blazer With Scalloped Trim, probably what your would-be client is hoping you’ll say…. I’d say thank you and then move on. I have a friend who worked in an eating disorder clinic. For all the good it would do, you might as well throw your drink in his face. By the time I got back to the office, I was livid. When a customer does things to make an employee uncomfortable, he or she’s gone too far. I don’t know how plainly it can be said – people’s bodies are their own private business. He was friendly with other women (mostly the ones lower on the ladder). [[Thanks for listening in advance, Corporettse. When I was a receptionist in high school, these guys were so easy to shut down. Get the latest customer experience news and insights delivered to your inbox. How do you deal with an overly flirty customer/client? Next time you notice any of these potential flirting signs, see if you can maintain eye contact. I’d like to open a brokerage account for each of my kids. Not that the OP was inviting flirtation, but that unbeknownst to her the weirdo sitting across from her thought that she was flirting, while the behaviors she exhibited were entirely inadvertant. 7. If I was the OP, the next time I have a meeting scheduled with this man (or any other male PNC), I’d ask someone to go with me. And our entire gender suffers for it, as men learn that they will never be reprimanded for crossing the line–they just move on to their next victims. I worked in law enforcement and would be complimented on my eyes often. My old boss was a successful female lawyer (happily married with kids) who was great at getting clients but she had this problem all the time. This would help the client to establish that their interests are being looked after to … I distinctly remember the horror, embarassment, and guilt that I felt the first time that a man interpreted my unconscious behaviors and mannerisms as somehow sexual or signals of sexual interest … think I was twelve … and my response at the time was to blush and run away. I am in a Northeast city too! It’s cultural, in my country you kiss twice (once in each cheek) I kiss everybody from my boss, to my assistant to the General manager (male by the way). Something like that. I didn’t know how to handle it at 16, but I do now. Just to make sure I explained myself clearly – my point is *not* that women unconsciously make flirtatious signals. And no, I am not bragging. I was humiliated, and it affected me profoundly. I got a visiting federal judge. I noticed my boss had lost some weight (I also knew he was trying to work out and eat better). It is a lunch during a weekday, not 11pm drinks on a Saturday night. I don’t know if I conveyed it well or not above but I do wish I hadn’t said it. If it turns out it’s just him and me, then more often than not he discovers he has a meeting that just popped up or the like. At one point she dropped her firm’s biggest client because he was chasing her around the desk. When he tries again you can say uh-uh, remember what we’re here for? the southern accent somehow missed me on all but a few words (Not sure how… I grew up in Georgia), but in listening to friends/relatives with heavy accents, I’ve realized that a female can strongly reprimand someone and the other person will still think it’s polite, so long as it’s said with a charming Southern accent and you throw in “sugar,” “sweetie,” or “honey.” (This applies equally to old women gossiping who start the sentence with “so and so, bless her heart,…”). A similar situation happened to me. In the end, they are paying for the work product and they know that. He was at least 12+ years my senior, single, and not going anywhere (read: higher up) within the organization anytime soon. I think I knew deep down something was off — I’ve hardly told anyone about my friendship with him, and this is probably why.]]. She wasn’t bragging. The counsel claimed to be impressed. He still periodically took me out to lunch. It’s a jacka$$ thing. But it seems rude when someone pays you a compliment like that not to acknowledge it. Side-benefit: if the “aren’t you a charmer” is played just right — anyone else may realize you’re putting the offender off and respect you all the more for doing so tactfully and without a scene. And now I cringe wondering if he thought I was hitting on him. Best response I’ve read — now I just have to perfect it myself! Of course, the dimwitted men referred to in this thread aren’t reading Miss Manners…. S- If you want to be hit on at work, get a job as Mel Gibson’s lawyer! Your post has got me thinking about the interplay of “professionalism” and “culture,” because culture/race/ethnicity/upbringing I think really determines how comfortable you feel in these situations and how you react (and whether you do it stiffly and lose a client, or nicely and perhaps have another chance to gain one). We never met up after work or anything, but he did spend an awful lot of time in my office area on the job. I think it’s always better to have another person there as a “buffer.” I think a third person in attendance changes the dynamic of the meeting so that it can’t be construed as anything but business. If your client is able to maintain boundaries and process feelings with you, this can be important clinical work. I see your point (I was the one who posted that) and agree somewhat, but I tend to use that line for men who are not, in fact, old and who are close to me in age (late 30s). right then and there. Funny! You can read more about her here. I’ve found that the unwanted attention has mostly stopped once I hit 40. When I was sixteen, a good friend spent the summer out of the country, and dropped in to see me when she was back. The list goes on, but those are the most egregious examples that I can recall.